1) This is beautiful:
BREAK-UP FORM
Dear _______________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition
was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as
yourself also failed to make the final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come
available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic
endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were
disqualified from the competition:
(Check those that apply)
1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can
picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY
wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the
truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something
other than my personality.
5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants,
then you can't GET into my pants.
8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be
beaten up repeatedly at recess.
9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from
trying to kiss you.
10. ___You have a hairy back.
11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an
inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
13. ___The phrase "My Mom" has popped up far too often in conversation.
14. ___You still live with your parents.
15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star
Trek uniforms a little concerning.
16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to
suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am
seeking in a long term partner.
18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should,
however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please
resubmit your application.
19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight
bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.
20. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,
X_________________________________
_________________
2) My favorite part about this time of year, are the flowers. I'm not much of a flowerly girl, normally, but today I walked out into my backyard to bring my dad some water, who was mowing the lawn, and looked over at this wonderful patch of flowers whave many small flowers on them. They're kind of...lilac-ish. But not. They're kind of bell-ish too, but not. And they are purple. But every once in a while, there is a random pink stalk! Purple and pink flowers, it doesn't get any better than that. Anyway, they are stunning. So I picked some and brought them in and found this great blue vase and cut them to fit and they are now sitting in my room, on my chest of drawers. They make me joyful. (That stuff you're seeing is paper towell...haha...they are kind of flimsy flowers, so mom had this idea to stick some paper towells down into the top lip of the vase for "support." Ha.)
3) I hate spiders.
The other night, Cori was over and we had just walked into my room, when I realized there was a HUGE, nasty black spider ON MY CEILING. I almost passed out. So she killed it. With my shoe.
Then, I think it was the next day, I was in the shower, and I looked up, and there was a brown spider, on my shower ceiling! Talk about the heebie jeebies. There was no where to go. So...I took the sprayer and sprayed the sucka down the drain. Haha. Which means that I sprayed the wallpaper and ceiling a bit, too. But shh, don't tell. hehe.
Then, when Kate and I were driving to the lake this weekend, we had just left town, when came this spider, just crawling across the dash. Its a blessing I didn't wreck the car. I might have, had I not have been eating, and had a napkin in my hand to promptly kill the sucka with.
4) I really want to see this movie. A lot.
5) Andrew and I really like to play Scrabble. Like...a lot. Like...we're like those old people who sit around and play Bridge...except we play by ourselves...and we're not old...erm. Hes the only person that whomps up on me. I think that will change, though. (The me beating him part - not me starting to lose against to people. haha.)
6) For those of you who have never gotten the chance to see the kids I nanny for (there are 4 in all), here is one picture that shows the youngest one I nanny for. This is Anna on the far left. She's 5.(We were coloring Easter Eggs. The other girl is my cousin, Claire.) And here is the next up in line, Elizabeth, at her 9th birthday shin-dig, back in October. Eliza So there ya go.
