So...i learned the rest of "Sunday Morning" on piano...its a dang good song...totally fun to play. Ya'll should check out Sandras' Cds....

So i had a dream that involved someone from my childhood...and i caught her doing things that surprised me...kind of...but at the same time, i wasn't surprised that she was doing what she was doing...(this is vague, i know). And so I tried to talk to her about Christianity...It was bizarre.

ya know...its always kinda cute and endearing to see a guy get worked up over a girl..yep...get all barfy and shaky and scared outta his head. its just nice to know that someone could think someone is so wonderful that they just drive themself up a wall...of course, i don't like watching my friends go through this for the reason I know its causing them emotional turmoil...but...it happens...and...its endearing at the same time that its painful. Yep...talkin on the phone tonite with my bud who is going to "hang out" with this lady that he mucho likes. But he doesn't know how she feels about him (there is NOTHING scarier)...And he doesn't want to do the DTR yet (those are freakin scary...it involves confrontation kinda...hehe...i don't like that). So yeah...hes scared outta his head...how cute is that.


forever barfy about any guy she likes,
Dena

oh yes...Today, my mom yelled upstaris to me (i was at the piano) and was like "hey dena! come down here, we have a surprise for you"..so i came down the stairs...and i looked at mom in the chair...and i'm like "lemme guess you're havin a baby (which is obviously an impossiblity, but its just funny to say) - HOOOOLY cow, you started the fireplace.".....lol like, as soon as it popped outta my mouth about the baby deal, it hit me that the fire was started...lol..i was standing right next to it. And so then I go "I think i just peed my pants" hehe...cause....i mean...fire places...are....awesome...i love them. and she looks at my dad across the room in his chair and goes, "did you just hear what she said? 'i think i just peed my pants'" *looks at me* "whats the deal with you saying stuff about peeing all the time, now"...hehe...and i was like "uh...its kinda webboard thing"...hehe...she thinks its very uncooth of me to say that *rolls eyes*

ne who...back to fireplaces...so i was like "i think i may sleep right here tonite" *points to floor in front of fireplace...ah man....you know what is the best? ok...being up, late in the nite...when its snowing....looking out the window...wrapping up in an awesomely warm, cuddly blanket, grabbing a big ole mug of coffee...being in your most comfy flannel pjs, coming and sitting next to the roaring fire...and either just chillin...or writing...or having a good talk.....those are the best times....


aaaaaaaaaand....it snowed a lil bit through the nite...so this a.m. i go to my kitchen...(i never pull my shades up when i roll outta bed) and i was like....freakin a...thats awesome...it was soooooooo beautiful...like, there wasn't enough snow to cover the ground completly...but it just looked like clean powdered sugar all over everything...and it was lovely...i took some pics...yeah...so i'll put the link here...but i took these this evening...so it had melted some...and ...the lighting is all funky..but oh well...

http://f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/youcancallmecameranut/album?.tok=bctMWRABoluOTxtd&.dir=/some+photos&.src=ph

so yeah....yesterday after church, i met up with matt and mark, and we drove the 4 hours to st louis to see the derek webb show...so the trip was fine....no probs...lots o good music on the wall...good phone talks with kate, jess and jerr

we got into town and had pizza...i couldn't eat much cause i was too excited (this always happens)...actually we drove by the church first.....enter the part where dena begins to get so excited she needs to pee....

and then we drove down the street...back to the church (after pizza)....it was at this stinkin awesomely BEAUTIFUL presbyterian church...seriously, yo...the archetechture was off the hook...wow...ne who...so we came in late (they told us the wrong time) to the evening service...and i had to get up in the middle of the service cause i had to pee so bad...hehe...and when i got back, the service was over....so then i got a huge rush, realzing the concert would be starting soon....which made me almost pee my pants, even though i had just gone pee in the bathroom

so....we moved to the front pew of this church....and then i decided to call jerry, cause i had talked to him earlier about the show, and he said he would be up for hearing as much of it as possible...so...i called him to make sure he would be around soon....and so i was freaking out on the phone, so excited...and JERRY starts getting all excited too....lol....which just rocks my house off cause i mean....i am used to going to concerts with people who are just as excited/have as much energy as i do (or nearly)....so, the fact that jerry was getting all into it, and he wasn't even there, was stinkin cool...(mark and matt were sooooooooo subdued)...so...it was awesome to have that excitement to be able to bounce off someone else.....so...i take my phone and walk around this random side hallway, while talking to him...and keep getting more and more excited...and i'm like, hopping up and down the hall way...lol....constantly feeling like my stomach is gonna make me have to run to the bathroom (and yes, i don't just mean having to pee...hehe)...and then we talked about DW's show on jan 4 in Branson MO and how jerr and jess should come down for that...and that was just a wacked out convo.....but that was cool, nonetheless.....and discussed the high price of plane tickets and the insanity of all that....so...jerry was like "hoooooly crap. I'm even gonna PEE my pants...and i'm not even there"...lol..it was just great. and something about running to the bathroom every five minutes, assuming i would have the phone up for him to hear a lot of the show....lol..good times...ok...so we worked out this signal that i would use for the show...

OH! i forgot to say that when we walked into the church, there was a table set up for the merchandise, of course...and i look, and there is DW's stuff, of course...but then i look again...and there is sandra mccrackin's merch. too....hoooooooly crap. i was like *starts shaking* "oh man...they're BOTH here?! freaking a" (we later find out, that this church, was sandra's home church from when she was growing up or something...so thats why she was there too! and she has all this family there at the show...it was so cool)

ok..so i told jerr that i had asked someone about how the concert would go, and that sandra would start and that DW might do some stuff with her, and then it would just be Derek. so...our deal for the phone was this: i would call him ...and listen and wait for him to say "i can listen now" and then he would have to be absolutely SILENT cause at that time, i would put him on speaker phone, so that he could hear the show better....so yeah....

so i go in, and sit down cause the show gets ready to start...and i'm like, bouncing my leg all over because i'm so excited...hehe....and i can't sit still...so i've got the camera ready...and the phone prepared...so...out comes sandra...starts playing...and out walks derek...and dena wets herself.....immediately calls jerry....puts him on speaker....hehe....long story short....

the first song I THINK she played/they played/sang...was "Now and Then"...(you HAVE to check it out)...for real....goosebumps galore....the version on the cd (which does have derek on it, too) does it NO justice...NONE what so ever....it was so stinkin powerful....i don't know what the deal is...but they were SO right on....the way they blended, they way they just totally gelled with eacother and the music...it was sheer perfection....oh man....*shivers* seriously...esp. on the chorus of the song, ah man...thats what music is all about....those are the moments....

ok...and i think thats when it hit me how much i want to, someday, on SOME scale, be able to do music with my hypothetical husband....i'm not meaning necc. being "famous"....or even performing a real show....just....at least...doing music to some extent with him...cause...its just incredible....ahhhhhhhh...i can't even stand it....and, if you are a TRUE musician and have the musician's heart, you know EXACTLY what i'm talking about....and if you haven't experienced that love with the music, then there is no one who could describe it to you anyway.....you have to experience it first hand to know the feeling.


i would recommend going to sandra's webisite and checking out the lyrics to that song...here is her site: www.sandramccrackin.com

enough details about music.

i didn't think to write down HER setlist, till after most of the songs...so...i THINK this is how it goes:

Now and Then
(there may have been a song or two in here)
Awake my Soul
Thy Mercy, Thy God
Sunday Morning
(some new song that isn't on an album telling the story of an incident with a flood in st louis and a kid who gave his life to save his brother in it)
Eve

Derek played on all of them with her..he sang harmony on some


then came derek by himself...he talked/preached truth/told stories a LOT in between the songs
the setlist:
Faith my Eyes (which just rocked my house off...cause i love that song...and i'm always sitting with my guitar, playing the chorus to that song)
She Must and Shall Go Free
Nobody Loves Me
This World
Every Grain of Sang (Bob Dylan cover)
I Repent (a new one)
Dance
Lover
Wedding Dress
Take To The World

ok..so during DW, i called Jerr several times...and he called me too....i was worried about my battery dying, DW kept talking for a long time, Jerrys' batt died (which explains all the calling and hanging up.) And for a while when i was trying to let him hear the songs, (i found this out later) Jerry was at his pastor's house...and The pastor's daughter Jessica was being FREAKING loud so i had to take him off the speaker phone...and then i kept feeling bad that he prolly couldn't hear it well...so i would put him on speaker phone for a sec, and as soon as I would, a loud female voice would emit from my phone, and matt would look at me like "what the heck" and i would have to take him off speaker again....I wanted to be like "Freaking A Jerry, keep it quiet there" but i obviously couldn't cause i had to be quiet myself, and we had already discussed the pretenses for me having him on speaker phone, before the show started. So that kind of sucked...but oh well..

oh..hehe....earlier when we had talked, jerry was like "i just want to hear Derek say "whore"..." lol...so....it just so happened, that one of the two parts of songs that got recorded oh his voice mail (while his batt was dead) was "wedding dress"..so..sure enough, jerry now has "whore" on his voice mail message to play back any time he wants to hear it...lol

haha....what was that about *jerry in a girlie, overly excited voice* "I LOVE YOU DEREK!"?....HAHA...on man, that made me laugh......

so i actually got to hear the voice mail message of the song from jerry's phone today...he patched it in three way...hahah...cool cool...apprantly, he was calling his friends and having them listen too...haha...

haha...oh man....i just got a big kick out of jerry's excitement....like...after i let him hear "Dance" he goes "hooooooooly crap"...lol...and after one song, i still had him on speaker phone, and everyone was clapping really loud...and RIGHT as everyone stopped clapping, jerry says something really loud ...lol....oops....its funny now....

ok yeah...so thats all

we had to leave right after, cause we had the 4 hr drive, and both the guys had to work early this am....so we didn't meet either one of them...but thats ok...cause the concert rocked...oh yes...and ...its the first concert i have been to where it wasn't a "standing up" sort of thing....how bizarre

after the show, i bought both of sandras cds and a really awesome girl tee thats kinda marronish/burgandy....its so cool...i will try to show you what is written out on the front...ok...so every second row of text is a diff color...so the odd numbered rows are in the large, strawberry pink, bold, capital letters...and the even numbered rows of text are in white, smaller, non capital letters...it goes a little something like this...if you can visualize..:

SHE MUST
for the believer, truth is
AND SHALL
freedom. Even truth that
GO FREE
is hard to hear. derek webb


and the words "derek webb" are even a little bit smaller
the letting is really cool...cause the letters in capital pink are all aged looking...like the ink is kinda scratchy, you know? and all the letters are kinda abstract with not perfect lines or form...if that made any sense

so....then we drove home...which went well....and the concert was awesome...and i slept part of the way in the car...and i had this really bizarre dream

a HUGE shout out to matt and mark, who just rock...cause they let me ride with them....they drove the whole way...and financed the trip..for real....rock on...

the last thought of the day: i sat down at the piano today...and started learning "sunday morning" ( i got inturrupted)...so...i need to finish figuring it out....that is an amazing song...so someday...if any of you want to hear it...you should hear it...its all ....traditional blues ...or something like that....its just raw and beautiful....on the cd, its totally just acoustic piano...but last night they did it on guitar, which also rocked...so...hear the song...it will change your life...and you will definately pee your pants

the end....actually...here are the lyrics for ya...but....these lyrics seperated from the music...is just a crime...


Sunday Morning


Driving on the faded mid-western dotted line
with nothing but the fighting wind to slowly count the time
racing with the fences as they guard their farms
here I come, there I go, help me lay down my arms

Just as I am, you rush in without a warning
I didn`t think that you would want to come to this place
and make it feel like a sunday morning.

I have been a blacksmith with the tools in my hands
with plastered eyes I build the lie and cannot understand
feeding on the ashes of a deluded heart
but in the place of dust and death I see you have come this far

And just as I am...

You were the first, and you`ll be the last
and like a cloud on the Chicago skyline
these things are past

Maybe it`s the way your love swells beneath my skin
or maybe it`s because my senses are full again
maybe it`s because I can`t quite mark the source
or maybe I`m afraid to let it run it`s course...

i just got home from the derek webb/sandra mccracken show in st louis, about an hour and a half ago...it rocked my face off...but there is way too much to talk about from that experience, at this time...so i will have to tell you all about that later...i should be in bed

but i have two thoughts before going to bed:

1) sandra mccracken (webb) is dang cool
let us examine the evidence:
she is a godly woman with good theology
she is a singer/guitarist/songwriter (and really good, at that)
she gets to perform/jam/do music...with her dang husband...who is also a musician, of course

It was beyond cool to see them interacting on stage with the music...it was just flat out moving...and inspiring

my conclusion from this point:
I have such a desire to marry a music man
I could go on for years about this
But I'll stop now
But...I can not express to you how MUCH...i feel, not only the desire, but passion, and the need to be with someone who i can share music with, like that

2) Mary, Derek Webb's recently deceased grandmother, had dang good spunk.
I would have liked that woman, had I have known her
She was in a nursing home in her 90s...and she had a "boyfriend"...who proposed to her...and she turned him down...you know why? Because she LOVED to dance, and he would not/could not dance.
Now, that is stinkin awesome...cause I'm always going on and on about the importance of ..whoever I marry...MUST not only be willing, but want to, and enjoy dancing with me...Now, i NEVER said he had to be a "good" dancer...just that he will do that and have fun with it.
So, after explaining the above story about his Gma, and how it related to the song he wrote about that, he said something to the effect of "there are some young ladies in the audience...so be sure and get your plans laid out early in life of what you want"..and i just grin and shake my head like, "yep...got er done"
The end.

oh...and...pray that I will not be selfish, nor self seeking, nor stubborn, nor hung up on "MY plan" or "MY list" or "MY will" for the two points i just talked about...but that I will give that to God and let Him lead me to whoever He has planned...whatever HIS PERFECT will is (since that will always be better than anything i could dream up for myself)...regardless of his musical skill or dancing willingness/interest. for real. sometimes, I need my butt kicked. this may be one of those times. hm.


A closing song for you all...because i bought sandra's two cds...and this is a stinkin good song

As posted on her website:

Springtime Indiana
Sandra Mccracken: Acoustic Guitar, Vocals
A lovesong, of course. Written while driving. Six verses about having nothing to say...


Springtime Indiana
You are sleeping by my side
Here across the miles we ramble
Past where the road divides
I wish I could tell you�but I just can�t find the words

I�ve never been good with my thoughts
And even worse with my words
But you read like familiar poetry
That I have never heard�
I wish I could tell you�but I just can�t find the words

So let�s move across the ocean
And pitch the tent stakes wide
You be the one to come after me
And I will be your bride�
I wish I could tell you�but I just can�t find the words

I am all at once courageous
I am all at once afraid
It came over me like nightfall
Like a freight train
I can�t seem to hold it in
But I can�t seem to run away

You came in without notice
And settled all around my heart
Took up residence in all the places
That were vacant and dark�
I wish I could tell you�but I just can�t find the words

Springtime Indiana
You are starting to wake
And I am laden with the thoughts
Of everything I mean to say
I wish I could tell you,
But I just can�t find the words.





dang geena...you know...i keep meaning to get to bed...but i keep having distractions...but i won't complain too much about this one...because this one involves writing....which i love...and don't do near enough of..

so...with that said, I leave you with some lines that just popped into my head...who knows...maybe I'll do something with this...maybe I'll finish writing these thoughts...maybe a song will create itself tonite...or another day, maybe:

...
Sometimes not articulating
Is the most articulate thing to say
For in having no words worthy enough
My reality of seeing you is best expressed
...

you know...boys and girls...together...they are a funny thing. all kinds of theories and thoughts on that.

some thoughts lately are spawned by my own interaction with the manlier sex...and some of my thougts are being spawned by tales of woe from my friends...or from watching my friends interact...and some of them are just plain wacked out...and i suppose a combonation of "what if"s....i do the "what if" thing a lot....this is because i over analyze everything

when does hanging out/talking with a friend of the opposite sex start to cross the line into friendationship status? (see the plug for Ellie's blog below for the definition of that word) And...if you're not wanting it to go into friendationship status, do you have to not hang out/talk so much? or if you are wanting it to go into friendationship status...do you keep hanging out/talking? or do you stop...cause you're afraid the other person won't feel the same way? or....what if the other person thinks you are jonesin for them when you really just enjoy thier company but don't like them like THAT? I'll tell you what...i've said this many a time...but...everytime a guy friend of mine has somehow either told me/let it slip that he was diggin me...like THAT, i have been hugely flattered....so it doesn't have to get weird...i've never been weird about that...but what if the other person gets weirded out if they tell you they like you, but you let them know you aren't into them like that? that would suck.

what if you're into someone...and they have no earthly idea....and you're a woman....and you can't tell him...because you are a woman...who needs to be the PURSUED one...NOT the purser.....but you just want to hit him over the head and tell him you're into him? but you can't do that...cause you're a woman....plus...you just would never do something so bold. and you're too scared....plus it doesn't matter if you like him anyway unless he liked you in the first place...cause you don't want your liking him to be the incentive for him suddenly liking you........so....you tell one of his friends...but his friend is not allowed to tell him....because he has been threatned with his life if he spills the beans...and then you have no idea why you told his friend....cause its not like that does any good...other than to hear that friend say "I want to get you and such and such together cause you would be great for eachother"...and then you just have to get all swoony cause i mean...one of his best buds is telling you this, for crying out loud, which makes you think that hey, hes the best friend, he should know, right? which gives you this weird hope thing....which really is no kind of assured hope at all, because the friend thinking you two should get together does not mean the said crush would ever agree.....that sucks...cause...the guy you like still has no clue you like him...at all..........or maybe he does...but is ignoring it...cause he doesn't like you like that...and he doesn't want to deal with it...so he just pretends not to know......which is a scary thought....

what if you're the last person to realize that you have a crush on someone? like...what if everyone around you realizes you are so diggin someone...but you are always like "no i do not....we're totally just friends"...because you just have never entertained the thought of anything other than a friendship .....and then it ends up that you HAVE been jonesin for this person, all along...but didn't even realize it........or....what if people are always telling you that you and suchandsuch NEED to hook up...but you keep saying "no we don't"...and you actually mean "no we don't"...because you truely aren't feelin' it.....but they won't listen to you and just say that you're in denial.

and...what if you think, that under normal circumstances, you could possibly be diggin a person...but at this point in your life, you can't let yourself dig this person...because at the same time, there is a different person who you dig HUGELY....so since you've seen the creme brulet', you can't go with the usually-popular jello (which you would normally at least consider)...cause you see this creme brulet' that you are going to wait around on....cause you see something in that person that is so special...and you think that maybe you could share that with that person...

speaking of waiting....if you're planning on waiting around on someone to see if they ever give any REAL indication (IE: tatoo it on my forehead, please...i'm kind of dense) of liking you like THAT...how long is long enough to wait around before you should move on? and...what if you like someone...but they are all wrong for you? what if you could do so much better? and not neccessarily "better" as in...."moving up in the world of dating"...i mean "better" like...better fitting for yourself.........so...everyone around you knows you could do so much better...but....you won't listen to them...because "love (so is lust, attraction, crushes, etc at times) is blind"...but you just keep hanging on to this person...cause getting over a person and letting go of that person are two TOTALLY different things...for real. so...what if your thinking is clouded cause you are still in the mindset of another person...when someone who you could be great with is right in front of you and you just can't see that? hm... it pisses me off when i see my friends with people who do not deserve them, for some reason or another...(like i said, not necc. meaning that other person is "bad")

what if all the odds are against a relationship? like...its not at all practical...but you know it would be great cause you two would be great together? so...do you say "thats not practical, who cares if we would be great for eachother" and move on and not even consider getting together? or do you say..."i don't care if i have to row myself to outer mongolia and wait 20 years, I'm holding out for this person because WE would be too good to pass up"?

hm...i am a weirdo...who needs sleep.