To get to the point, without details, I had a dream last night that I was like two hours late to work.

it was TERRIBLE.

i felt incredible anxiety in my dream. i was mortified and kept apoligizing and just felt terrible.

I really hate messing things up (in real life). It really gets under my skin and has the ability to bother me for a long time. I don't really like this about myself.

Also, I'm realizing that sometimes I get incredibly anxious about talking to people about serious matters. I dont mean about life or love or whatever. I mean...if anything is even remotely confrontational, I FREAK out. My heart starts POUNDING, I feel like I'm going to vomit, I can't breathe, and I am just so nervous I feel like I need a Valum. Its like I don't know what to do or how to handle those situations. I also don't like this about myself.

oh well.

just sharing.

I also think I wear my heart on my sleeve. I feel the need to explain this. I don't mean that I don't keep my heart guarded. Because I think I do guard my heart. What I mean is this: What you see is what you get. If I feel like being absolutely retarded, I'm going to be - and I don't give a rip if you think its absolutely rediculous. If I feel like laughing "inappropriately" loud in a public place, I'm going to laugh. If someone doesn't like it, too bad. If I get excited about the simpliest thing - like the first time I rode in a cab, I was freaking out-excited - Im not going to hide it. If I dont' like something, you're going to know that I don't like it. There is no sugarcoating. There is no beating around the bush. I call a spade a spade. If it offends you (within reason), then you should grow some thicker skin and not be such a pansy. If someone wants to know something "personal" about me, about life or how I feel about things or about how much money I have, I will tell you. Whats the point in hiding that stuff?

peace out