soooooooooo, i'm the kind of person who gets kind of frusterated when I don't understand things. Like...not so much logical concepts (like how to do a math problem or understand quantatative physics) , but relative understandings that surround people and life and interaction and time. And trying to figure out what part I need to play to adjust to the things I do not understand, but so desparately want to understand. I'm probably not making an ounce of sense. Oh well. This is nothing new. Sometimes people do things that make me seriously want to kick them in the schnoobs (or phantom schnoobs). Grates on my soul or something. "why are you being this way?" I don't understand.

I hate insecurities. I would say for the most part, by the grace of God, I am a very very secure person. But the times when I don't understand whats going on, thats probably when I feel the most helpless. wide eyed, somewhat paranoid, sitting in a corner watching all sides of the room at once. Maybe because i have ideas in my head that seem like the "right way" or when solutions to an issue seem so simplistic to me. I hate playing dumb.

It is absolutely 100% true that the only complete satisfaction I will ultimately reside in, is settling into and embracing the fact and the lifestyle that Jesus Christ is my very best friend. *heavy sigh*